My Experience with Social Anxiety

In seventh grade, the day after my birthday, I came to school wearing a streak of turquoise chalk in my hair. It was a glorious expression of my personality. I was really happy with how it turned out, but also (perhaps unreasonably) very nervous about wearing my new style. My mom encouraged me and added that she had seen plenty of kids at my school sporting the same style. I agreed and took the risk.

To my dismay, almost as soon as I arrived in my morning homeroom, several girls began to laugh. As I took my seat, I realized that I was the reason for their laughter. It was a small class, but it seemed like an uproar. I felt my face turning red and my eyes welling up. Each of my classmates who came in after me joined in the teasing. My hair was compared to mold, WWF wrestlers, and the slime from Nickelodeon game shows. I felt awful. My hands started to clam up, I was sweating everywhere, and my head went completely blank.

I had no idea where the teacher was, but it felt like the entire class was joining forces to make me feel very small. The next thing I remember: I was crying and being escorted from the bathroom by our school counselor. That evening, I made a countdown of how many days it would be until I was finished with middle school. This was one of my worst panic attacks, but certainly not the only one. I had to figure out a way to make it to the end. But if it was this difficult to survive with kids I had known all my life, how would it be at a new school with people I barely knew?

“That evening, I made a countdown of how may days it would be until I was finished with middle school.”

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, social anxiety is indicated by a phobia of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in a social or performance situation. Social anxiety is one of the most common mental disorders across the globe. About 4% of the world population, or roughly 300 million people, will have social anxiety disorder at some point in their lives according to Fallon Goodman, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of South Florida.

Some people may experience social anxiety disorder, which is a chronic mental illness (meaning that it continuously impacts a person in a negative and severe way), while others may only experience episodes of social anxiety, something that everyone likely experiences at some point. While both have an impact, social anxiety disorder can really limit a person’s life and how they live it.

For me, it started as a bizarre feeling when I found myself in a situation where I was surrounded by countless unfamiliar faces. A feeling of awkwardness, which soon turned into a feeling of dread and made me think that everyone was solely focused on me. Rather than attempting to deal with what I felt, and possibly receive counseling, I decided to ignore it as best as I could. I played it down to my mother and immersed myself in various distractions, such as television, books, and music. I would never recommend to another person to ignore their feelings—no matter how unimportant their feelings may seem. Even though distractions may feel like a coping strategy, in the long run, they’ll only make matters worse. Breathing exercises, doing things that make you happy, and reminding yourself that you are okay and that whatever you’re dealing with is not the end of the world can be good coping strategies for social anxiety.

About a month ago, I spilled matcha all over my sweater in my advisory class. Instead of immediately assuming the whole class thought I was clumsy and incompetent, I politely asked my teacher for a box of tissues to clean myself up. If you’re feeling awkward or anxious about an interaction you’ve had, don’t think too hard. The other person is most likely very understanding and too focused on themself to give you a second thought.

“A feeling of awkwardness, which soon turned into a feeling of dread and made me think that everyone was solely focused on me.”

For a very long time, every social interaction felt like a burden on my shoulders. Many normal situations were frustrating for me, like being among unfamiliar people, making new friends, or even eating in crowded public places. Now I look forward to different social interactions knowing that even if I’m anxious inside my head, most people are more focused on themselves. I’ve realized that it’s not the end of the world when my hands get clammy or my legs start to shake. The world is something I want to experience.

Millions of people are living with social anxiety today, but a very large portion of them is not receiving the support they need. That’s why it is critical to speak up and raise awareness about this mental health condition. To anyone reading this who suffers from social anxiety, I want you to know that the best way to overcome social anxiety is by learning self-acceptance through healing from past trauma. It is important to learn to enjoy life and not care about other people’s opinion of you. It may take time and energy, but it will be worth it in the end.

“I’ve realized that it’s not the end of the world when my hands get clammy or my legs start to shake. The world is something I want to experience.”