Panic Attacks

Because my heart beat, I can, tell because it’s faint yet steady, that steady… 1… 2…3… current, carries me because they’ve, spurred recently because for me, *take a breath* it’s four years, four years turned into six months at least with weekly counseling, they’ll leave my worries, stream down in tears, my worries which sleep hides, or at least tries, *take a breath* to wash away because I alone, understand them, though I… really don’t, because they *take a breath* control me, because they, understand me because they know what’s happening 1… 2… 3… because my trust is earned because they’ve wormed in, wormed into my life, *take a breath* into Wonderland with our the wonder, wormed into my kardia, turning into, heart aches without the comedic relief wormed into every fiber, turning into healthy smacks but without, the proteins because I… broke down my walls * take a breath* broke them down to be – taken advantage of, because I can’t share, because I won’t share, because I don’t know, I don’t know how to share, I don’t know how to… how to make it, more clear how to get it through, to you because these are mine 1… 2… 3… forever to be, kept within because these emotions are bottle inside and ready because they are to be kept, kept from me because we share between us, only us and never me because everyday, is new because I don’t, want to think… because I don’t, need to think… but, because I should think, think about them *take a breath* they’ll forever… haunt me, haunt me, till I can’t move I can no longer move because I’m paralyzed, I want to move on, I want them to of away, because they, paralyze me because they, glued my feet glued them to the floor, 1… 2… 3… reaching through my shoes because they, paralyze me because my hands, shake my hands shake, terrified terrified of eruption, because release will cause… unwanted attraction: cause them to grow, cause me to wither on the inside we don’t need the attraction, we need– *take a breath* because life… is short like seconds, like minutes, like hours, days, months, years, become deaths of memories, because I musn’t let them stop me, because I want, because I need, I want is different from I need, because I must understand them, before understanding me they’ve caught my attention, they’ve taken over my heart.