“Self Portrait” by Katie McDowell (18), New Orleans Center for Creative Arts "An Old Man in Military Costume" by Simone Wuttke (18), Dartmouth College (recent Benjamin Franklin High School graduate) "This oil on canvas painting is inspired by Rembrandt's 'An Old...
Trapped in My Mind
BY PAIGE STABILE
ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION are partners in crime. They are the relentless duo that I have experienced. Many teenagers experience anxiety and depression. Anxiety and depression are like a never-ending roller coaster. They pull my mind in many different directions. Thoughts speed through my mind endlessly. My heart races. My stomach twists, turns, and tumbles. My body goes completely numb. These are a few examples of the effects of anxiety and depression.
To be completely honest, 2018 was a rough year! I was in the middle of freshman year. I was completely stressed out about my grades and everything else that the not-so-glorious years of high school bring! I could feel myself falling down that dark hole of anxiety and depression early on in 2018. Being a child of divorced parents, it is never easy. At the time, I was living an hour away from my mom, which made life as a teenage girl more difficult. I got involved with the wrong group of people and the wrong guy, which led to bigger problems. Alcohol and nicotine were constantly haunting me when I was hanging out with this group of people.
I tried my best to remain grounded and remember that this was not who I was or wanted to be, but horrific rumors began to spread about me at school. Being a girl at an all-girls high school, rumors spread quicker than the flu! Going to school every day and having to face the gossip was like walking the red carpet wearing every single mistake I made. I lost most of my friends over inappropriate and intimate rumors that were VERY false! Slut shaming began—even from someone who I thought was a close friend of mine.
The feeling of having no friends is such an empty, heart-wrenching feeling. I began to let go of myself. I started to not care at all. I felt used and manipulated. I felt like I had no one. I was in this very dark place. A place that was filled with tears and pain… and a LOT of Lana Del Rey! I wanted to disappear, forever.
I kept everything bottled up. Eventually, I couldn’t keep it in anymore. One Sunday, I stayed up all night, dreading the school week ahead. The thought of having to face all of the rumors and hate was too much to bear. I felt trapped in my mind. The pain I was feeling nauseated me. The pain was so bad, I even got sick. I completely broke down that Monday morning. My parents got me the help I needed. The best piece of advice I could give to someone struggling with anxiety and depression is to speak up and get help! Talk to a parent, teacher, or school counselor.
Slowly, I started to feel like myself again. I attended a party for Miss Louisiana Teen USA and Miss Louisiana USA 2018. The queens and everyone else there sparked a light in the dark tunnel I was in. A former Miss Louisiana USA queen, Bethany Trahan, inspired me by helping me understand that my anxiety and depression weren’t something I should be ashamed of. She helped me tremendously with accepting my mental illness instead of avoiding my emotions. The friends I made through the National American Miss pageant system are also always there to lift my spirit up. Everyone there is all about helping girls set goals and build confidence! I hope to compete in National American Miss Louisiana Teen this year.
I recently started a YouTube channel to share my story and spread mental health awareness to as many girls as possible. Watching other teens talk about their mental health experiences on YouTube gave me comfort. They made me realize that I am not alone. Hopefully, I can be the light in someone’s dark tunnel now.
Paige’s advice for other girls struggling with anxiety and depression
- Find a hobby that you enjoy! It will help you take your mind off the negativity.
- Engage in physical activity! Exercising always boosts my mood. If you aren’t into getting sweaty, meditating is AMAZING. You can find guided meditations for free on YouTube.
- Make a music playlist of all your favorite feel-good bops!
- Start a journal. You can find different journaling ideas on Pinterest, or you can simply freestyle!
- Follow positive social media accounts and remove the ones that have a negative impact on you!
- Laugh a little bit! I find that watching entertaining YouTubers helps get me out of a depressed mood. My personal favorites for when I need a laugh are the Dolan Twins, Emma Chamberlain, Antonio Garza, and James Charles.
- Talk to a counselor!
- Volunteer! It’s a great way to boost your mood by giving back.
- Give pageantry a try! Getting involved in pageants was life changing for me (and NO, it is not like Toddlers & Tiaras ;)).
PAIGE STABILE is a sophomore at Louisiana Virtual Charter Academy. She strives to spread mental health awareness through social media. Her goal to help teens, including herself, get through anxiety and depression inspired her to start creating content on YouTube. Paige wants other teens to know that they are not alone. You can also follow her on Instagram: @empoweredbypaige.