Gender Identity & Gender Expression – Some Basics

LGBTQIA+ = Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Questioning or Queer, Intersex, and Asexual and any self-identifying member of the community not included in the LGBTQIA acronym

Before we can dive into a discussion about gender identity, gender expression, and pronouns, we have to examine sex and gender.

Sex is assigned at birth. The sex you are assigned after being born is based on primary sex characteristics, particularly external genitals, or sex chromosomes. Sex chromosomes are defined as male chromosomes (Y) and female chromosomes (X). Science taught in many schools considers XX as female and XY as male. Folks with any variation of X and Y chromosomes outside of XX and XY are often considered intersex. Sex, like gender, is not absolute and is not binary; there are other possible combinations that create our bodies (XXY, XYY, etc.). Sex is more expansive than much of American culture will admit, explore, or educate about in our schools and other institutions. The idea that sex arises from your chromosomes is inaccurate. Using genitals or sexed chromosomes to declare someone’s sex is an oversimplification of our very complex biology.

It is important to note that American society provides what we call a binary, or the inaccurate inference that sex/gender is represented by one of only two options. Gender is based on masculinity and femininity. It’s a social construct that involves characteristics or qualities pertaining to masculinity and femininity, much like sex. This is where gender roles, gender identity, and gender expression come into play. People often conflate sex and gender, combining them. If you’re unfamiliar with these concepts, it can get a little confusing. Take a look at this:

When we are born, we are assigned a sex (male or female).

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Based on this assignment, we are exposed to gender roles, which are often perpetuated by family, friends, educators, even strangers! Depending on whether someone is considered to be a boy or a girl, they may be dressed in blue or pink, given trucks to play with or baby dolls to care for, asked to take out the trash and cut the grass versus cook for the family and tend to younger siblings.

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Societal perceptions and expectations—such as that men take out the trash and women cook and clean, or that men are tough and aggressive, whereas women are nurturing and emotional—often act as a ceiling for our personal and psychological growth and influence our physical appearance.

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As we get older, we start to learn more about ourselves and how we want to move in the world. Gender, in its rightful place, is determined by the individual and is made up of how someone feels about their own gender identity.

Did you know…

While the European colonization project instilled, violently enforced, and relied on a gender binary and separation, many cultures have their own language for those who live as both man and woman, or neither. For example, Indigenous cultures have long acknowledged people who have a gender identity and sexuality that is between or beyond the gender binary. Many tribes have language that acknowledges different gender variations.

Twospirit, or two spirit, is a term that bridges Indigenous and Western understandings of gender and sexuality. In 1990, at the annual Indigenous Lesbian and Gay International Gathering, the term twospirit was proposed and accepted as a central language to the long-standing acknowledgment of gender and sexuality variation. There are many definitions and understandings of twospirit and they can vary from community to community or tribe to tribe. Two spirit persons have a role and experience within Native American culture that acknowledges their sacredness to the land and to the community.

It is important to note that out of respect and to avoid cultural appropriation, two spirit or twospirit is not a term that should be used by non-Native LGBTQIA+ folks. It is, however, a beautiful example of the long-standing acknowledgement and respect of gender and sexuality variation as well as the power of language to create community and safety.

Gender & Pronouns

We use pronouns in place of someone’s name in everyday conversation. Pronouns are typically based on assumptions about a person’s sex, gender, or even their name. A pronoun is one of the primary ways the outside world interacts with someone’s gender identity. It is how we talk about someone without using their name. Pronouns that feel comfortable for one person may not be best for someone else.

Examples of gender-specific pronouns are he/him/his and she/her/hers. Examples of gender-neutral pronouns are they/them/theirs, ze/hir/hirs, and ze/zir/zirs. There are many other gender-neutral pronouns, but these are strong and prominent examples in American culture. In 2013, the pronoun “hen” was added to the Swedish National Encyclopedia as an official pronoun option for third genders. Transgender people might use gendered pronouns to affirm their identity. Some trans and gender nonbinary folks will use gender-neutral pronouns to affirm their identities.

Don’t we only use they/them/theirs to talk about a group of people?

No! We use they/them/theirs to refer to singular people and their experiences all the time. “I found someone’s car key and gave it to customer service. I know they’ll be happy when they find their key!”

If you are a cis girl or woman, you have an expectation of what pronouns people will use when referring to you (she/her/hers). So do trans and nonbinary folks! Pronouns are important because they correspond with gender.

When used incorrectly, you can misgender someone by using a pronoun not aligned with their own gender identity and experience. Using the correct pronouns is not only about respect but also about reaffirming that all gender identities are valid. When you misgender someone, not only do you risk offending that person, you also risk outing them to others. Stigma and binary rhetoric can make the outed person uncomfortable, a target of harassment, or even a target for gender-based violence and criminalization.

How can we usher in a world that’s more open, loving, and respectful of all genders?

• We don’t make assumptions; we let each individual person drive the conversation around their gender and pronouns.
• Ask someone their pronouns. “Hello, I’m Pearl. My pronouns are they/them/theirs. What are your pronouns?” This is a loving and respectful way to see the full person you’re talking to. Remember, you can always use someone’s name in place of their pronouns until you know!
• If you end up using the wrong pronouns for someone, apologize and ask for the correct pronouns. The best apology is changed behavior!
• Be mindful of all the spaces where you can invite self-identified gender. Think beyond the binary and encourage your school to do the same when it comes to creating name tags, school forms, restroom signage, etc.
• Demand that your school offer thorough sex education that includes information about gender identity and gender expression. There are many organizations that are available and equipped to educate students, teachers, administrators, and community members on gender inclusivity. BreakOUT! and the Reproductive Justice Action Collective are good starting points for resources and finding someone to lead learning sessions for your school.